I recently read an article in The Washington Post with the headline: Overinvolved parents can make college-aged children depressed, a new study says. To summarize, this study found “so-called helicopter parenting negatively affected college students by undermining their need to feel autonomous and competent. Students with over controlling parents also were more likely to be depressed and less satisfied with their lives.”

With a pool of less than 300 college-aged children, I find there to be a very fine line in publishing a study that claims “overinvolved parenting” will harm your child’s independence and overall emotional state.

The author of this study comments, “To find parents so closely involved with their college lives, contacting their tutors and running their schedules, is something new and on the increase. It does not allow independence and the chance to learn from mistakes.”

I take a different approach that some may consider a bit more controversial today. As a parent, I believe, you know your child the best. The ultimate goal is to raise your child to be self-sufficient. Yet, for some children, self-sufficiency may not come before college – and it may not come before or even after college. Some children will struggle and will still need help with schedules and advocacy, even from a distance.

Parents also need to be aware of their “helicoptering” and be sure it is for their child’s best interest versus their own peace of mind.  There are repercussions, some listed in the study, to being heavily involved if your child is capable of handling the stresses of college on their own.

Bottom-line: trust your parenting gut. This subject is not black or white and there needs to be a softer middle ground. You do need to let your children take risks, make mistakes and learn the value of independence, but just because your child is ready to leave the nest, doesn’t necessarily mean you become a bystander.

[If you are interested in learning more about how you can prepare to send your child off to college – I am hosting a parent session in our “Next Stop: College” seminar series.  Topics like understanding signs of struggle and knowing when to reach out to professors will be covered.  Find out more and register here.]